Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
