I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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