I think I just saw someone hide a body.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
