We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
