my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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