Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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