You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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