Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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