he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I supernannyed him into submission
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
