I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
