i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
