I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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