I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
this boner is exhausting
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
