He disabled his match.com account in front of me
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
