i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize