okay pat passed out under dana's car
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
In other news, I just burned my penis
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
