Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
