Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
