i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize
