It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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