Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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