I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I touched a dick in church today
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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