Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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