What a fucking waste of an outfit
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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