my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
