If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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