Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
