put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
My pussy is not your playground.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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