So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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