she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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