Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
