so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
