no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize