Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
