hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize