Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
