Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
