yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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