he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
