Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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