we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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