The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
