I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
