He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
