Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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