I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
