Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
