How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
