So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
