Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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