Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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