apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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