be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
