I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
