Your dad touched me again.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I want to be your penis for a week.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
