There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
