guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
