At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
