So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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