God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
