dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
