Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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