Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
