I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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