the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
