How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize