You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
