i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
