I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
