i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
