Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
