I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
