You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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