This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
