My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
