At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
