Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
