What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
