I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
